A Harder Thing

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ~ Corrie ten Boom

In the past few years we’ve (we = my husband, Michael, and myself) have had our fair share of hard things to deal with. Some happened to us and I feel comfortable talking about those in this space.

• His best friend tried to kill him.
• My cervical spine disc replacement.
• My heart failure.

Others impacted us, but we weren’t the main character and I don’t feel comfortable talking about those because they really aren’t my story to tell.

But for the past year the hardest thing we’ve had is Michael’s job loss. Which was definitely not our choice, but also choices could have been made that did not equal job loss. It’s complicated.

However… he has never had a chance to think about what he really wants to be when he grows up. He was in college when we got married. We had our first kiddo before he graduated. No regrets there, but it also meant that once he graduated there wasn’t any time to think about what he really wanted to do. He was able to find something he enjoyed, but he always had to balance it with what would support our growing family. A year ago he was “provided the opportunity” to think about what he wants to be when he grows up AS A GROWN UP – that’s pretty amazing. So he took it. I mean we took it.

And for me that is the complicated part. I 100% support him and this decision. He did ask me. I have had to continuously remind myself over the past year of this truth, because I 100% would have preferred the security of a job.

He has spent the last year working really hard to make something happen, but also taking some time to invest in himself. He’s put some tools in his toolbelt that provide him ways to reach out to others and help them live better lives, and there is the potential he could leverage that into income. (Any one feeling the need for spiritual direction?) He’s been able to focus time on some passion projects – his consulting business and children’s ministry. He did some contract work and we thought we’d found part of the answer to what the future might look like, but the contract work was with the government and that all has been a wee bit unstable lately.

We’ve spent the last year

• trusting God
• praying (probably not as much as we should have)
• discussing (also probably not as much as we should have)
• having fun
• waiting

And the time has come. The job search is beginning in earnest. We are not at the point of desperation, the point of any job will do. We are at the point of the search needs to look different than it has so that we don’t get to the point of desperation. We’ve been here before. It’s how we ended up in Thailand. I do not feel like we are at the point of me applying for jobs for Michael. Or at the point of moving countries (not saying we wouldn’t do it). But we are at the point of something needs to happen. I know it and Michael knows it.

And now I have to do the harder thing. Trust. Trust Michael to do what needs to be done. But even more than that is the Trust God part.