Living Through the Hard Things

~ Monica

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” ~ Dread Pirate Roberts

I recently volunteered to lead devotions during for a department meeting at work. I’m not a natural speaker/teacher, but I did have something I wanted to share. So I also decided to share it here.

We experience a lot of uncertainty, pain, and conflict in our lives. It can be personal. It can be corporate. And I know I’m not alone in experiencing seasons where it seemed like it was never ending. One thing after another just coming at me. For many years I sort of lived like the Dread Pirate Roberts words were my truth. We live in a broken world, what else should we expect. Not to deny the good that I experienced, just that I was pretty comfortable with the knowledge that pain was coming.

How do I handle these painful emotions? With a stiff-upper lip and a healthy (or not so healthy) dose of denial. But in the past year or so I’ve been digging into Spiritual Disciplines, and I am currently focusing on Lament.

To cry is human. The first sound we are expected to make when we enter this world is a wail. And the Bible tells us that we aren’t the only part of creation that expresses sorrow. In Romans 8:22 the apostle Paul says that all of creation groans. Death is the big reminder that something is not right with the world. But there are other examples: cancer, addictions, failed marriages, relational conflict, loneliness, abuse, injustice, the list goes on and on.

Crying doesn’t stop at birth. It continues because the world is broken. While tears and sorrow are part of our humanity, there is an often-neglected prayer language in the Bible for our travels through a broken world: lament.

Author Adele Calhoun says, “Tears and prayers of lament won’t solve the problem of suffering, but they can stop the raw nerve of pain by throwing us into the arms of God.”

What Is Lament?

It’s important to know that crying is not the same as Lament. But I have found that much the way sometimes I just need a good cry, that even more so sometimes I just need a good Lament. It’s different because lament is a form of prayer. It is more than just the expression of sorrow or the venting of emotion. And it has a unique purpose: trust. It is a divinely-given invitation to pour out our fears, frustrations, and sorrows for the purpose of helping us to renew our confidence in God.

The Bible is filled with this song of sorrow. Over a third of the Psalms are laments. The book of Lamentations weeps over the destruction of Jerusalem. Jesus lamented in the final hours of his life.

I’m going use Psalm 13 to illustrate the four Elements of Lament

1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.

The first element is to Turn to God. Often a lament begins by an address to God:

“How long, O Lord?”.

The point is that the person in pain chooses to talk to God about what is happening.

Then – Complain to God. Every lament features some kind of complaint:

“Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?”.  

More than a sinful rehearsing of our anger, biblical lament humbly and honestly identifies the pain, questions, and frustrations raging in our souls.

Next – Boldly ask God. Seeking God’s help while in pain is an act of faith:

“Consider and answer me, O Lord my God light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed over him,’ lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.”

Unremitting sorrow can create a deadly silence as we give in to despair (“there’s no hope”) or denial (“everything’s fine”) my personal favorite. But lament invites us to dare to hope in God’s promises as we ask for his help.

Finally – Choose to trust God. This is the destination for our laments. All roads lead here:

“But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me”.

More than the stages of grief, this prayer language moves us to renew our commitment to trust in God as we navigate the brokenness of life.

Lament is the prayer language for God’s people as they live in a world marred by sin. It is how we talk to God about our sorrows as we renew our hope in his sovereign care.

Why Lament?

The practice of lament is one of the most theologically informed actions a person can take. While crying is fundamental to humanity, we lament because we know God is sovereign and good. We know his promises in the Scriptures. We believe in God’s power to deliver. We know the tomb is empty, and Jesus is alive.

And yet… we still experience pain and sorrow. Lament is the language for living between the poles of a hard life and trusting in God’s sovereignty. It is a prayer form for people who are waiting for the day Jesus will return and make everything right. We don’t just mourn; we long for God to end the pain.

Lament prayers take faith. Talking to God instead of getting sinfully angry or embittered requires biblical conviction. Laying out the messy struggles of your soul and then asking — again and again — for God to help you requires a solid theological mooring. Laments turn toward God when sorrow tempts you to run from him.

Laments interpret the world through a biblical lens. We lament because we know the long arc of God’s plan: creation, fall, redemption, and restoration. We know the cause of all lament is sin. And we read in Revelation about the ending of all laments:

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)

Therefore, Christians not only mourn the brokenness of the world, but we also long for the day when all weeping will cease. We wonder, “How long, O Lord?” (Psalm 13:1). Anyone can cry. But those who love Jesus can faithfully lament.

I challenge each of you to practice Lament.

Since life is full of sorrows, and since the Bible is clear about the plan of God, we should be competent lamenters. We should regularly talk to God about our sorrows and struggles. We should learn to lament.

One way to start could be to read lament psalms. You could start with Psalms 10, 13, or 22. And then move to the other forty-plus laments in the book of Psalms. You’ll find lament psalms for personal grief and corporate suffering. There are laments for moments of repentance and for when you long for justice. As you read these psalms, certain phrases will become your own. You’ll probably be surprised how connected you are to the words you read. Laments tend to become personal quickly.

Another approach would be to study a lament psalm by looking for each of these four elements: 

  • turning to God
  • bringing your complaint
  • asking boldly
  • choosing to trust

Once you find examples of each element, consider writing your own lament. See if you can follow the flow of the text as you tell God about your struggle. Remember each psalm was written by a real person with real problems. Writing your own lament beautifully combines rich theology with real emotions.

Because I am well versed in a stoic response to pain and hardship, I sometimes find it difficult to get the emotion out. I am really good at stuffing those down. I have found music is an excellent tool to help me tap in to my emotions – and from there I am able to take my pain to God. Frequently during a specific season God will give me one song that expresses what I’m feeling and once that season has ended that song will often become a reminder to me of what God has brought me through. An important caveat to this approach – it is not uncommon for me to hear whatever that song is on the radio, on a playlist I’m listening to while I’m marathon training (cuz you aren’t really training for a marathon if you aren’t telling everyone about it), and even in the bathroom at work where worship music always plays, and the emotion will surface. I use that as God’s invitation to cry out to him.

Lament Playlist:

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Published by Monica

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