“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

I was at the point in my training where almost every run felt like it was a mental effort just to get it started. I was spending much more time trying to figure out when I was going to run and then convincing myself to get started than I was actually spending running. So mentally taxing. And then I got sick. Which has taken the mental aspect of training to a whole other level.

A little over a week ago I finished a 16 mile long run. My longest run to date. I felt like it went better than the 15 mile run I had done the week before – I felt better when the run ended and my recovery felt better, too. That was a Saturday. The next day, Sunday, I did a little strength training and an easy walk. Monday was a rest day and then Tuesday I had a 4 mile run. The 4 miles didn’t feel as easy as I thought they should, but they weren’t awful. I assumed I had reached the point of training where I was feeling the compounding fatigue. I went to bed Tuesday night with a bit of a sore throat and woke up Wednesday morning not well. I had a few symptoms, headache, sore throat, low grade fever, and the exhaustion – it was real. I slept. I tried to rally on Thursday, but that wasn’t happening. I managed to move from the bed to the recliner on Thursday afternoon where I slept some more. After about 40 hours of sleep and many more hours of rest I started to feel a little better, but I had a sneaky suspicion that my symptoms did not warrant the level of fatigue I experienced. I know the training fatigue is real and it contributed and I was sick so that would contribute, too, but this is where the constant low level fatigue I’ve adjusted to because of my heart failure really impacts things. It doesn’t add to, it sort of multiplies things. I just don’t tolerate all of this as well as I would like.

So I’ve tinkered with my training plan. I did use ChatGPT. I am well aware that I would be better served by finding a running coach, but I can’t afford it and I feel like this is my one shot at a marathon so it is what it is. I have a small amount of knowledge and I have checked in with my doctor. I’ve got 6 weeks until the marathon. This Saturday was supposed to be an 18 mile run, but I do not think that is smart. ChatGPT says this week should be a gentle re-entry week for me and that between Sat & Sun I should aim for 8 miles. Next week is a Return to Structure with my longest run being 7 miles. The longest run currently scheduled is 16 miles in a few weeks. I feel like the gap between 16 miles and 26 miles is huge and that scares me. But I feel like if I continue with the load from my original training plan I’ll be crushed which is probably more worrisome. Current state is a mix of fear and determination. I had reached the point where I already knew the toll that training for this distance isn’t worth it for a repeat, but it is definitely worth it for this goal. So not finishing feels like it isn’t an option. I want to be smart about it and I want to be successful.